Planning a wedding can be stressful, especially with all of the long-held traditions and potential ceremonies a couple can include.
The cake smash is one wedding tradition in which the bride and groom take handfuls of cake to each other's faces. While the result is often funny, more newlyweds are opting out of the traditional and avoiding the messy cake smash altogether.
Newsweek spoke to several wedding and etiquette experts about why the cake smash is slowly declining in popularity and if it should be a conversation between the bride and groom ahead of the wedding.
Origins of the Cake Smash
The cake smash consists of the newlyweds cutting a piece of their wedding cake and smashing it in their partner's face during the reception; greasy frosting and all.
According to research published by Carol Wilson in Gastronimica, the tradition started as a way for the groom to show dominance over their bride, with Ancient Roman brides having barley cake crumbled over their heads.
"It's a tradition that we can certainly drop," Co-President of The Emily Post Institute Lizzie Post told Newsweek. "I think it's well worth getting rid of."
Post added that although many partners do not want to participate in the cake smash, there are some people who do find the tradition funny and want to incorporate it into their reception.
Plan Beforehand
She recommended that couples have a conversation regarding the tradition prior to the wedding to decide whether or not they want to feed each other the cake, smash it, or even have a cake at all.
"If it's something you always thought was hysterical and you want to include it, that's something that you and your partner can discuss, but I think it's so rare that that's the case," Post said. "Most people find it messy, uncomfortable, unpleasant."
April Palombo Setliff, Founder of Lousianna-based etiquette school Red Stick Refinement, said she opted out of the cake smash for her wedding and has noticed others do the same.
"I'm personally not a fan but some people are," Setliff told Newsweek. "I'd recommend talking to your fiance about whether you want to do it or not ahead of time. I know some people don't like surprises like that."
Setliff said she personally did not want to have to clean frosting off her face, especially after spending time getting ready for the reception.
Waste of Money
As Editorial Director of Brides Gabriella Rello Duffy told Newsweek, most adults prefer not to partake in the tradition because of the amount of time and money spent on doing hair and makeup.
"Most adults would prefer not to have a slice of cake crushed into their face with 150 people watching them," Rello said. "Especially not when they're wearing expensive attire and probably paid a great deal for hair and makeup."
In addition to makeup and hair costs, many couples feel that smashing a piece of their wedding cake is a waste of money.
According to data collected by wedding planning website The Knot, the cost of wedding cakes ranges anywhere from $1.50 to $12 per slice.
"It's also a waste of food," Post said. "Wasting food could definitely be seen as a disrespectful thing."
'Incredibly Disrespectful'
From an etiquette perspective, it seems that the majority of experts are against the cake smash since it seems to inconvenience the couple by having to clean up during the reception.
"Truthfully, I have always found the idea of a cake smash incredibly disrespectful," Duffy said. "It's messy, it's a played-out tradition, and it really doesn't photograph well. Unless the bride or groom explicitly say they're fine with a cake smash, don't do that to your partner."
Many individuals have also taken to various social media sites to share their disdain for the tradition, with many brides going viral for their opinions.
One bride went viral on Reddit after claiming her new husband surprised her by smashing their cake in her face during the reception.
"I don't think it's funny, I don't want to mess up my makeup that took hours to apply, and I don't want cake on my expensive wedding dress," the post read. "I told him I would be livid if he did it. He promised that he wouldn't."
Another bride recently went viral on TikTok after she caused her groom's nose to bleed after attempting a cake smash at her wedding.
"10/10 don't recommend," the bride captioned the video which received over 900,000 views.
Alternatives for Couples
For those who want to retain some semblance of tradition without diving headfirst into a slice of wedding cake, there are many alternatives.
In lieu of the smash, couples could consider feeding each other the cake without the smash, which is often seen as a moment of trust between the newlyweds.
Post also recommends the subtle frosting on the nose or a small amount of whipped cream since it is easy to remove and often serves as a romantic moment for both the newlyweds and guests.
Has a wedding come between your relationship with a loved one? Let us know via life@newsweek.com. We can ask experts for advice, and your story could be featured on Newsweek.
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